Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
