i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
NoShamevember. You game?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
