I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
