I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
