I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
