Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
