i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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