took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
