Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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