Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
