I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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