Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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