The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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