The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
