I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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