Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
