Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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