Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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