I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
