Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
