Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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