I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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