he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
