his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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