I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
