i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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