They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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