Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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