Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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