I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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