i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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