You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
