i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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