just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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