um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
