You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
