So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
