You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
