I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
