Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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