it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
