Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
