He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
