So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
