i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
