I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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