btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
