dude i'm inner monologue high
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
