look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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