just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need moral support for this bender
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
