i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
