My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
tell me about the eggs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
