what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
