And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wish there were birth control emojis
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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