my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
is that a dick in a sweater?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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