Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
