Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
