dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
