Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
