Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
