Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if only i could text you this smell
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
