I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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