I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize