And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
