Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
