She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
