you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
