lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
