yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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