just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
