Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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