True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
