Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
