Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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